No, not late like “oops I missed my period late” but late to this mommy blogging business. I have actually scoffed (repeatedly) at mommy-blogs but I found myself most recently wanting to get in on the business. I mean, why not?
I technically am not even a mommy yet. I’m a mere incubator. Husband would disagree with me and call me a gestater (or is it gestator, one reminds me of a potato, the other of an alligator) but I am an incubator.
I am 18 weeks pregnant. I am 18 weeks, ecstatically pregnant. And I am hot. Not like “woo hoo, let me strip down and sit on the cover a magazine with my belly hanging out” hot but like “oh my goodness would you PLEASE STOP SHUTTING THE FAN OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT” hot. My doctor says this is normal. Granted, it doesn’t help that here on the East Coast we’ve been hosting weather more suitable for demonic ritual.
Back to the incubation. I am incubating a velociraptor. I am convinced of this. Besides being hotter than the Cretaceous Period, this little lizard slithers across my belly (NEW DEVELOPMENT! JUST STARTED!) and when it isn’t slithering, it is doing some weird lashing ju jitsu move, that I’m convinced consists of thrashing around and slashing at things. And those are just the RECENT developments!
The Raptor began it’s incubation by causing crippling migraines. And for those who have been pregnant know that tylenol is not suitable for migraines. Morphine is. And besides the crippling migraines, the cramping at the beginning (how was I supposed to know you were attaching? I thought you were killing me), I’ve had the random “jump on my sciatic nerve and make me lose feeling in a leg.” There is nothing more attractive than a woman dragging her leg behind her.
So here I am, less migraine-y, less cramping, more leg dragging, incubating my very own Raptor.